Where Now?

Tim and Mark, June 2000

So how do you sum up twelve years? How do you say goodbye when the thought causes your heart to break? That’s what I’ve been dealing with for the last couple of months. July 3, 2012 I think will be the worst day of my life. That was the day I lost Mark, my husband, my best friend, the center of my world.

Even now trying to put these feelings to words brings me to tears. Truthfully, every day I have cried for Mark. So cliche but so true, I would give anything just for one more minute with him. Just to feel his arms around me, to hear his voice, to tell him I love him and to have him tell me the same.

People tell me they are sorry and I know they are. There are a few who know a little better what I’m going through, what I feel. They’ve lost their husbands or wives. So those few do know what I’m going through up to a point. I am not them and they are not me. No one grieves exactly the same way. This is something that no one else will experience in exactly the same way. That is just the way it is.

I have not tried to create anything. It just is not in me right now. I do not know when I will paint again. I was not exactly productive before Mark died. Someday, I am sure I will paint again. Someday…

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